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I don't visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won't wait in the yard while I run in.
-- Margaret Smith
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Love me the way I am or leave me alone.
-- Anonymous
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I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog’s name. Then I said, ‘Does he bite?’ She said, ‘No.’ And I said, ‘Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?’ Liar.
-- Demetri Martin
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He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. – Victor Borge
-- Ayshu
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Never take anything for granted because sooner or later the wheel turns. –
-- Unknown
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