Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.

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Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.

-- Jerry Seinfeld

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If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

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You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

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Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

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Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.

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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

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