Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

Quotern

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

-- Anonymous

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I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

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My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that’s OK!

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Friends are relatives you make for yourself.

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Happy Birthday. The sky’s the limit for an incredible cousin like you. I hope you have the most memorable celebration ever!

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When I’m not working… I’m an actor! I’m auditioning! I like to hang out, have fun, drink, club, meet boys, look for boyfriends, play MASH, the usual.

-- Xosha Roquemore

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