I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

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I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

-- Rita Rudner

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A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.

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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.

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In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

-- Rita Rudner

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