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You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
-- Anonymous
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When a woman says, what? It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said.
-- Vijayaraj
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There aren’t too many things that are more comforting on this earth than a hug from grandma.
-- Anita
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My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that’s OK!
-- Jay Leno
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The best things in life are free*. *Does not apply to pizza.
-- Anonymous
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In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
-- Robert Frost
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