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People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
-- Anonymous
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The strawberry shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells.
-- Ayshu
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I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
-- Anonymous
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My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
-- Ayshu
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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
-- Anonymous
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People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
-- Ellen DeGeneres
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