Mornings were made for sleeping, wild sex, and bacon.

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Mornings were made for sleeping, wild sex, and bacon.

-- Anonymous

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Out of all the lies I’ve told, Just kidding! is my favorite.

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Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.

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I’ve never been in love…but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see a waiter arriving with your food.

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I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking.

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You can not choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls!

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