I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.

Quotern

I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.

-- Anonymous

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Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I’d have an excuse.

-- Jimmy Fallon

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You’ll be richer in the end than a prince if you’re a friend

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They’re not gonna catch us. We’re on a mission from God.

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Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.

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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

-- Mark Twain

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