People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

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People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

-- Ellen DeGeneres

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My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

-- Ellen DeGeneres

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.

-- Ellen DeGeneres

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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. –

-- Ellen DeGeneres

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Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

-- Ellen DeGeneres

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