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People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
-- Ellen DeGeneres
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Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.
-- Ellen DeGeneres
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My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
-- Ellen DeGeneres
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When life gives you lemons… they could really be oranges.
-- Ellen DeGeneres
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Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.
-- Ellen DeGeneres
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