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People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self.
-- Anonymous
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Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
-- Anonymous
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
-- Anonymous
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I didn’t really forget your special day, I just figured you deserved more than one. Belated Happy Birthday!
-- Anonymous
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Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
-- Anonymous
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-- Phyllis Diller
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