Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.

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Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.

-- Anonymous

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You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake

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Wine is at the head of all medicines; where wine is lacking, drugs are necessary.

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My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary column.

-- Norm Crosby

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The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. – Calvin Trillin

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I have had great success being a total idiot. – Jerry Lewis

-- Ayshu

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