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Enjoy the good times because something terrible is probably about to happen.
-- Anonymous
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The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.
-- Conan O’Brien
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I really wish I had some yoga pants. Even though I don’t really do yoga. Kinda like you mom…
-- Hannah, age 6
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When my boss told me this is the fifth time I’m late, I smiled and thought to myself, it’s Friday!!
-- Anonymous
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If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards.
-- J.A. Redmerski
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My dentist told me I needed a crown I was like I know, right?!
-- Ayshu
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