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No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize.
-- Anonymous
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
-- Anonymous
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When I’m quiet, those that don’t know me look at me and think I’m shy. People who know me think: OMG! She’s thinking! Everyone run for your life.
-- Anonymous
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Oh, and this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy…
-- Anonymous
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PROMISE and PIE-CRUST are made to be broken. – Jonathan Swift
-- Anonymous
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you’ll end up in the police station.
-- Fred Allen
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