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28. Trust me I am a liar.
-- Anonymous
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When you take such a good selfie that you can’t believe it’s really a picture of you
-- Anonymous
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Things are about to get really good.
-- Anonymous
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When someone asks ‘where is your Christmas spirit?’ Is it wrong to point to the liquor cabinet?
-- Anonymous
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I’m not fat. I’m just much easier to see.
-- Anonymous
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Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
-- Anonymous
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