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I’m a girl. Don’t touch my hair, face, phone, or boyfriend.
-- Anonymous
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The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.
-- Anonymous
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My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.
-- Gene Perret
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I don’t always tolerate stupid people, but when I do, I am probably at work.
-- Vijayaraj
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If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
-- Anonymous
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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
-- Steven Wright
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