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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house?
-- George Carlin
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What does it mean to pre board? Do you get on before you get on?
-- George Carlin
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
-- George Carlin
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
-- George Carlin
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
-- George Carlin
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
-- George Carlin
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