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That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-- George Carlin
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
-- George Carlin
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
-- George Carlin
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Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
-- George Carlin
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house?
-- George Carlin
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Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
-- George Carlin
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