I hired a counterfeiter the other day. I told him, As for your salary, how much you make is really up to you. I love a business model where the employee pays the employer.

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I hired a counterfeiter the other day. I told him, As for your salary, how much you make is really up to you. I love a business model where the employee pays the employer.

-- Jarod Kintz

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Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.

-- Jarod Kintz

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The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon melts and then evaporates. And your assassination can be fruit flavored!?

-- Jarod Kintz

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Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don't write it down it decomposes in my head.

-- Jarod Kintz

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I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.

-- Jarod Kintz

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I gathered all my eggs in one basket, because I believe in collectivism, and I wanted a tyrannical omelet.?

-- Jarod Kintz

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