I gathered all my eggs in one basket, because I believe in collectivism, and I wanted a tyrannical omelet.?

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I gathered all my eggs in one basket, because I believe in collectivism, and I wanted a tyrannical omelet.?

-- Jarod Kintz

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The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon melts and then evaporates. And your assassination can be fruit flavored!?

-- Jarod Kintz

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I hired a counterfeiter the other day. I told him, As for your salary, how much you make is really up to you. I love a business model where the employee pays the employer.

-- Jarod Kintz

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Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.

-- Jarod Kintz

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When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.

-- Jarod Kintz

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My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it.?

-- Jarod Kintz

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