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Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go.
-- Jarod Kintz
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When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.
-- Jarod Kintz
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Leadership is being the first egg in the omelet.
-- Jarod Kintz
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I gathered all my eggs in one basket, because I believe in collectivism, and I wanted a tyrannical omelet.?
-- Jarod Kintz
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The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon melts and then evaporates. And your assassination can be fruit flavored!?
-- Jarod Kintz
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Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don't write it down it decomposes in my head.
-- Jarod Kintz
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