I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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One day...as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy...Hey buddy...why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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My cousins gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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