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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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