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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
-- Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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