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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-- Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
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