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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
-- Steven Wright
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
-- Steven Wright
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I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
-- Steven Wright
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
-- Steven Wright
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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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