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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
-- Steven Wright
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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-- Steven Wright
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If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
-- Steven Wright
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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