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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
-- Steven Wright
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I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
-- Steven Wright
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
-- Steven Wright
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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
-- Steven Wright
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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-- Steven Wright
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