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Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
-- Steven Wright
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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
-- Steven Wright
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