I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost. –

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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost. –

-- Steven Wright

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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

-- Steven Wright

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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

-- Steven Wright

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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

-- Steven Wright

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Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

-- Steven Wright

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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

-- Steven Wright

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