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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
-- Steven Wright
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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
-- Steven Wright
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What’s another word for Thesaurus?
-- Steven Wright
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If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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