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I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
-- Steven Wright
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
-- Steven Wright
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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
-- Steven Wright
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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-- Steven Wright
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
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