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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
-- Steven Wright
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Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
-- Steven Wright
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
-- Steven Wright
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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