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Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
-- Steven Wright
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
-- Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
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