I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

-- Steven Wright

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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

-- Steven Wright

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If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

-- Steven Wright

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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

-- Steven Wright

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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

-- Steven Wright

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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.

-- Steven Wright

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