You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

-- Steven Wright

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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

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