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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
-- Steven Wright
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
-- Steven Wright
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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
-- Steven Wright
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I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
-- Steven Wright
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