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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
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If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
-- Steven Wright
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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
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