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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
-- Steven Wright
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
-- Steven Wright
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Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
-- Steven Wright
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