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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
-- Steven Wright
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I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
-- Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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