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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Steven Wright
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I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
-- Steven Wright
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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-- Steven Wright
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