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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
-- Steven Wright
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If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
-- Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
-- Steven Wright
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Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
-- Steven Wright
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