I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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One year they asked me to be poster boy for birth control.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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One day...as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy...Hey buddy...why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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