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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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One year they asked me to be poster boy for birth control.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My cousins gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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