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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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One day...as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy...Hey buddy...why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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