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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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