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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Boy were we poor, if I wasn't born a boy I would of had nothing to play with.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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