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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Boy were we poor, if I wasn't born a boy I would of had nothing to play with.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My cousins gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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