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Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My cousins gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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