One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas.

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One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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