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One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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One day...as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy...Hey buddy...why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My cousins gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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