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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-- Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
-- Steven Wright
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You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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