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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
-- Steven Wright
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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
-- Steven Wright
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If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
-- Steven Wright
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What’s another word for Thesaurus?
-- Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
-- Steven Wright
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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